The Dark Fairy

Granted! Own you're overworking Santa and he goes into cardiac arrest and dies. You're now responsible for the death of the fat guyou and kids not getting presents for Christmas ever again. Thanks a lot, flubs!

I wish I spent as much money on myself as I do for others for the holidays.

Granted! However, the 25 million dollars you spent on yourself has come to the attention of the IRS. They will now be checking your polyps for any other hidden monies.

I wish my daughter would come to her senses and dump her boyfriend.

Granted! Your daughter is now free. But she overheard you making this wish and has now dumped you as her father. You suck. She is now adopted by GregMXL. All she does is rave about him. "The best dad I could ever have" she says. Well, at least she's happy.

I wish I could take my boss and my sniveling weasel coworker who licks my boss's balls til the cows come home and kick them off a very tall bridge.

Granted! However the slobbering coworker left such a huge puddle of taint drool you slip and fall off the bridge landing in the pile of dead ass slowly sinking underwater.

I wish my wifey would stop and think.....just once.

Granted! She finally stops and thinks...and dumps you. She clearly wasn't thinking when she started going out with you.

I wish I had some alcohol to drink on my lunch break.

Granted! In your drunken stupor you profess your passionate love for your boss. He tells you he is married and also thinks you're too old for him. You fling yourself from the roof in desperation and land in a passing manure truck sinking to the bottom and drowning in fresh shit......ah l'amour :drama:

I wish I would get everything I want for Christmas.

granted, but you grow unhappy with all your squandered fortune until your greatest and only real wish is finally fulfilled, the one where someone walks up behind you and blows your brains out for no apparent reason...

i wish i could talk to dogs

Granted! But they don't listen to you because they find you annoying so what good is this? Your career in being a dog therapist now comes to a screeching halt.

I wish I wasn't working Christmas Day.

Granted, you get trampled by a mob of unruly customers while shopping for a late, late xmas present and spend the week in the hospital on life support

I wish I became mother fucking santa claus for one year, replete with elves to make the toys I imagined people should receive et al.

Granted! You become mother fucking Santa Clause. But now you have a lot of angry people with violated mothers out there. One mother a chimney with a toy supplying facade. You should be ashamed of yourself, you perv.

I wish I could use the car for once while my wife walked.