The Dark Fairy

Granted. Of course your ravenous appetite depletes the plant's food supply causing catastrophic worldwide starvation which triggers the Starving People Apocalypse.

I wish people would just leave me alone.

Granted!

I wish people would bother me.

Granted! Can you give me all the cookies, and change my title to UberNancy with the Big Bulge in the Pantsy. No wait make it sort of a medium taupe with the title being Spam Gives Me Shiny Lips. And could you make the forum load faster. And could I get some free gearz for my toons, and could you donate some TG for me to use someday if I ever play multi-player. Do I need to send you a PM to remind you about all this stuff or just keep stating in the threads what I need.

I wish I could use profanity without getting in trouble.

Granted(for your title too)! You're allowed to curse anytime and anywhere you want. But now your kids have picked up on it, and even though what they call you is true, you are forever offended when they address you as "motherfucker" everyday, now and forever.

I wish my rottweiler would stop eating himself due to hot spots(seriously, he's like eating down to the bone and there's nothing I can do).

Granted! Your rottweiler has now developed a ravenous hunger for Spamming Admin™ and proceeds to eat you...except for your socks. There's some things even a dog won't eat.

I wish the lady here today from the State would come in my office and give me a good sound servicing!!

Granted! But now who is gonna clean up that gooey mess on your desk? The cleaning lady already left.

I wish I had more time to do absolutely nothing.

Granted! Just lie down in this hyperbaric chamber and we'll proceed to burying you for 500 years.

I wish I had more wasabi peas.

Granted! You're stricken with a momentary stomach ailment and vomit all the peas you just ate out and can now enjoy them all over again...

I wish I smelled so good, women would instantly drop to their knees and groping for my cock the second they got even one whiff of me.

Granted! You smell so good that cologne companies beg you to do commericals. But your pansy physique becomes a worldwide mockery. People start placing bets that you'd get your ass kicked by 90 lb high school girls. You, sir, are an absolute disgrace.

I wish my wife would cook more.

Granted! Here, have your dick on a stick......grey poupon??

I wish the girl in marketing would come to my office wearing only those thigh boots she has on today.