cLoD was actually the most addictive game I ever encountered. I remember checking my mothers work schedule regularly to maximize my playtime, waking up even bit before she left to work at 5-6 in the morning so that I could jump out of the bed and start playing. Heck, I even skipped the classes I would have normally overslept through, just to play. Sometimes I even left school early so that I could get to destroy demons in sanctuary. I didn't even want to go out with friends as addiction grew and LoD became the single most important thing in life. And, as my mother warned, it came to be that even my dreams started to resolve around diablo. Enigmas, über diablo, torches and such. Luckily girls began to seem appealing at some point and that's what finally got me away from computer and d2, but not for good. Never for good..
Rather meaningless wall of text, which was surprisingly therapeutic for the writer to think through, in spoilers.
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Currently the worst addiction would be nicotine for me, which I'm trying to fight against with help of ecig. Managed to quit smoking and other nicotine-products decade ago, but only for a while. I usually smoke ~30 self rolled cigarettes, and I dry my tobacco beforehand to increase the joy. Regular cigarettes, if I buy them, also needs to be dried up before they are any good.
Longest addiction I've had has been junk food, sugar and fat to be more accurate, as I've had a problem with them since I was a kid. Of course porn, video-games, some websites that seem like they would be planned to addict users, gambling, alcohol and drugs have been easy to catch on also. All of them which I still struggle with, less or more. Reasons for getting addicted in the first place would most likely be social troubles, majority of which are related to family and childhood experiences.
Alcohol has been the best and worst for me. First it was amazing, losing some of the mental locks I've had, but only temporarily. At worst it caused me to black out every time I did it, being 2-4 times a week if not more, and problems increased with time. Getting drunk was only option, but it led to a cycle which increased social and mental problems, making me temporarily believe that drinking would be only solution besides suicide. Hangovers got worse and worse, especially on mental side, but there were also some increasing pain felt in organs, most likely kidneys.
It wasn't too easy to give up on alcohol for the first time, and as it was, I thought I would never be able to enjoy drinking again. Finding the state of mind where I accepted the fact that I have to let go of alcohol, maybe for good, has been one of the most difficult conclusions I have had to make. This sounds really absurd now that I think about it years later, but I still remember how it felt, and it was intense.
Solution in my case was to start smoking weed. It was easy to get and my parents never really were that much against it. At first I mainly did it during weekends, but in only couple months it had became daily hobby. First panic attacks I experienced with some self-made oil after 6 months of daily smoking, which caused my first small break(almost 2 weeks if I recall correctly) from smoking.
As I learnt how to handle panic and anxiousness, there was really nothing else to stop me from smoking than lack of weed and/or money. And there I was, smoking weed, eating shit, consuming tv-series and games, and doing so more and more alone. Basically getting stuck for many years, realizing some things but learning nothing. Naturally I got disconnected from friends and family, which didn't seem that big of a deal when you could get high and kill time doing basically nothing, but definitely made everything worse for time being.
Of course I did some minor experiments with stimulants, ecstasy and stronger psychedelics, but weed still had me in tight hold. At some point I figured out that I need to get more energy, and went from experimenting to "medicating" myself with stimulants and psychedelics, which led to some unwanted results, as anyone in their right mind would have foreseen. It took good couple years to realize that they weren't a solution to my problems. People and life resolving around them, as Jampula pointed out in the original post, are unforgiving. After few psychotic seasons and getting to know some interesting personas I realized that it might be better to stay away from such lifestyle. And that's when I managed to take first longer break from weed also.
Only after first year of being sober, which must've been dullest time of my life, I started to actually realize how horrible I had been to people closest to me. And I still keep realizing and getting disgusted with what I have been. At this point I find it hard to believe that I would ever be a decent or good person, but it would not be the first thing I have had difficulties believing in.
THC-addiction has gotten noticeably better. It really helps to not be able to enjoy getting high alone as much as before, some slight anxiousness strikes pretty easily and makes even falling asleep harder. Even though I keep sliding back to old habits on every occasion when I smoke, it still gets easier to quit every time. Last week was the first time in my life when I was able to survive whole week with only 2 grams of weed, which I mostly smoked in good company. There were some unexpectedly good flows of thoughts as well as hilarious moments, even if the jokes weren't that good when I thought about them afterwards.
And, as it is now, if I would have to choose only one, it would be alcohol. No more blackouts or getting depressed when drunk, not to mention mental hangovers, except in very few cases. I did drink 2 weeks pretty hard, and it had some effects I had almost forgotten already, but it's easy to take a break and do better next time. I can not deny that best nights I still have include good amphetamine, weed and alcohol, and most importantly good company, but finally it's possible for me to keep night going with just the supreme god of intoxicating chemicals, ethanol. At least if I drink properly and increase strength of the drinks as day/night goes further. Note-to-self: Eating and especially drinking water should be focused on more to avoid worst physical side-effects, hangover that is.
Main goal though, besides being able to out-drink my friends, is to get high on healthier lifestyle. I'm currently studying and trying to improve myself physically and mentally. Eating healthier bit by bit, exercising more, filling most of the free time with self-studying instead of drugs, and mainly getting intoxicated in company. I can not deny the fact that getting drunk alone in underwear(kalsarikännit) is something I occasionally do, but I mainly do so when I haven't had any f2f interaction with people for a while. And I find myself missing company of other people almost every time when I'm drinking alone, especially some good people that I have no way of contacting anymore. Wouldn't even do so if I had their numbers tbh, since I'm haunted by lots of embarrassment and quilt from the past. One I actually even remember and almost called after good couple promilles of alcohol in my blood circulation, but ended up shaming myself too much and preventing myself from actually doing it. But, I guess those feelings are just something that have to be faced and conquered.
In a nutshell: drugs are bad if you don't know how to use them responsibly and recovering from their side-effects might take a while, mmkay.
Jampula wrote:Sadly now in prison. Didn't go so well. Not about the above.
Don't ever make anything stronger. Of course depends on country and state.
What motivated you to go for that?
I would guess easy money, but need for high quality speed would also be understandable.
How long sentence you got and where are you carrying it out?
And was it you or some of your friends whom had their lab explode not that long time ago?