The Dark Fairy

Granted. Enjoy your two week cruise on the Gay Ship Lollipop with Donna Matrix who plans to secure you to your Simpmatic adjustable punishment bed for "training" and jalapeno enemas.

I wish I had a Spam sandwich right now.

Granted. You get addicted to them and your sodium intake goes through the roof. You also develop a mean bout of irritable bowel syndrome.

I wish my hair would turn less gray with age.

Granted! As the shade moves from gray it takes a turn toward the green end of the color wheel, then the pink spots start showing, finally ending in a splendid rainbow from left to right.

I wish I could pass State Inspection without any hitches.

Granted. You pass inspection but then your car keeps breaking down anyway so get a real car instead of that 78 Pinto you refuse to part with.

I wish it weren't raining.

Granted! It suddenly stops raining and starts earthing and buries you 500 feet deep in dirt.

I wish my boss would call me and say go home early.

Granted! You're fired.

I wish I could fire anyone I wanted no matter where they worked.

Granted! You are King of the Planet with all authority. However the unwashed unemployed rise up and revolt killing you in your huge golden bed.

I wish I was better at the grammar stuff.

Granted! But since I'm Grammar Nazi Cat your ego leads you to believe you are the real nazi and that's just not gonna happen. Due to my childish fits you're banned from the forum and you couldn't possibly live your life without being here so you pop 50 xanax and go to sleep forever.

I wish I was a more "handy" guy.

Granted! Your feet, head, and dick are replaced with hands....you're sooo handy!

I wish all the good looking women at my job would dress as Playboy centerfolds today.

Granted! These sexy women are all at your disposal with not much clothing on. Doesn't matter though cause it's not like you can get it up anyway, Mr. Limpy. Your next wish will now be to have an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

I wish I had an erection that lasted 24 hours.