The Dark Fairy

Granted! However since you have an inverted needle penis when you sit it pokes an artery which ruptures and you die.

I wish I had better knees.....and an erection which lasts more than four hours.

Granted! You stopped all that work you were doing on your knees when you were in jail with your big, buddy Bubba and you finally started taking depression pills which led to numerous boner side effects. Unfortunately Bubba noticed these side effects and let's just say you're now taking pills for a swollen sphincter.

I wish women didn't think I looked like an old, rotting prune.

Granted! However now that you're super handsome the crowds won't leave you alone and you are eventually driven to madness and throw yourself in front of a bus.

I wish people at work would act like adults.

Granted! Work is a fun and professional place to work. Your boss is a beautiful woman who is insanely attractive and loves how responsible and mature you are. She begs you to marry her. You do. What at a perfect life. But you were just dreaming and your dead now from a heart attack realizing the realistic dream was now bullshit. R.I.P and dream on.

I wish I had an official finishing move added to my repertoire like a WWE wrestler.

Granted, and granted! Now when you fight, you whip out your cock and blow a HUGE load in your opponents face, drowning them in embarrassment and suffocation at the same time. Unfortunately, you go to jail for this and and while it's ruled accidental, they make you chop it off to avoid this happening again.

I wish I never had to sleep and got refreshed instead from working.

Granted! Your job brings you rejuvenation and while you're there life couldn't be sweeter. But when you get home you're energy is gone. You neglect everything important around you while you're just waiting to get back to work tomorrow. But while at your job your wife is busy getting the train run on her from the big brothas that live down the block who've been eyeing her for the past few months. Ouch..not cool.

I wish I could mod better than Marco.

Granted! Now your email inbox is overflowing with complaints, criticisms, and critique of your every move. All of them stating clearly that you are the suxxorz and anyone could do a better job and when is the next version coming out because they have all the good ideas you could never think of because they are the shizzle shitz.

I wish weekends came around more often.

Granted! But now since you don't work weekends you aren't making money so now you live in a cardboard box and everyone that passes you by on the street says have a nice weekend to you every single day. Even the alley cats poop in your house/box now. Have a nice weekend.

I wish I was just a piece of shit instead of the whole damn log.

I'm most certain you mean metaphorically, otherwise that wish is already bad as it gets, lol! Anyway, you wind up toning it down a notch and lose your "shithead of the year" awards and fade away into obscurity until everyone forgets even the utterance of your name - you're shitheadness was who you were and without it, you're nobody :twisted:

I wish I could quite literally melt whatever I looked at (at will of my choosing) in seconds.

Granted! You have officially become Superman. But now every woman has a kryptonite vagina so you can never achieve full erection when near a hot woman ever again.

I wish I could eat anything I wanted and not gain weight.