The Dark Fairy

Granted! This sexy marketing girl looks so amazing with only these high boots on. But where are the rest of her clothes? You're wearing them, ya cross dressing cock gobbler!

I wish the girl in marketing that goes to Flubbucket's office wearing only high boots will come to my job today too.

Granted! However upon her arrival she states how pissed off she is about someone stretching out her clothes. She then proceeds to beat you soundly with the five foot long purple dildo of doom until you're unconscious.

I wish everything didn't make me so mad.

Granted! You're a happy-go-lucky guy. You just smile and smile even when your bosses make you clean the toilets and wash their soiled up underwear. Oh and you're also being cheated on. Keep smiling...no need to lose your temper.

I wish I wasn't so lazy so I could finally shave off this Moses beard I have.

Granted! While power lounging in the front yard, a renegade waxer from the Pube 'N Lube down on the corner races by and with lightning speed waxes off your beard.......taking with it your lower jaw and neck skin.

I wish this weekend would last twice as long as usual.

Granted! You now have a 4 day weekend..of turmoil. You've just gotten the 24 hour stomach bug which then led to mononucleosis. You then got tested for gonorrhea and it came up positive. Oh yea your wife was getting destroyed by a guy that looks just like you but he's about about a foot taller, has about 6 inches on you bulge-wise and is jacked. Happy extended weekend, my dude.

I wish I had a dollar for everytime someone said happy hump day to me every Wednesday.

Granted! Now that you have 10 million dollars in happy hump day loot, the IRS shows up two days later with a Fuck You Friday audit. They conclude you owe 25 million in back taxes and penalties for the 10 million.

I wish I'd have invented something incredible which would make me super wealthy.

^^ Laughed Hard
Granted! You did. You are the real owner of Microsoft but the name was used literally because you named it after your weenie. So all your ex girlfriends spilled the beans and there you have it. Had to sell the rights and lost money. Then Bill Gates took over and had a giant Johnson to boot.

I wish I could rock a 12 incher just for one day to see how the ladies would react.

..."but the name was used literally because you named it after your weenie." /sprayed my coffee everywhere. Thank you!!

Granted! You walk down the street helicoptering your gargantuan crank. However you aren't able to maintain the volume of blood flow so you end up passing out on the sidewalk. A passing dog grabs your Titanic Spooge Tube and drags you unconscious into a field partially burying you. The ladies quickly forget due to a shoe sale on the corner.

I wish I would never get another headache.

Granted! No more headaches. Now that pain has been passed onto your ballsac. Everything is a pain in the balls now. It's like every few minutes someone is dropkicking you in the babymaker. Aspirins ain't gonna help ya now.

I wish people weren't selfish, arrogant sheep.

Granted! People are now altruistic and unselfish cats. But the overwhelming nurturing of the cats....millions and millions of cats clogs your lungs with shed hair and you die.

I wish I could drive however I choose and never get a ticket.